The past few weeks have been exhausting. No time for much of anything with work, church, GCA rehearsals and dress rehearsals and performances, and then more work at night until the wee hours of the morning because that’s when the other Stone Soup employees choose to work. So, when a day rolled around that was going to allow me to spend actual time with my daughter, I’ve found myself covering my head with the covers when she would come into my room at 7:30 a.m. saying, “Good Morning, Mommy.†I also found myself saying things like, “Aren’t you old enough to fix your own milk?†and “Can you watch just one more episode of ‘Wow, Wow Wubbzy’ and then I’ll get out of bed?†But alas, after her telling me, “No, Mommy, GET UP†over a dozen times, I’ve dragged myself out of the bed feeling a slight sense of resentment and also an extreme amount of guilt. I got over the resentment after waking myself up with a hot shower. And I got over the guilt by allowing her to have a sucker and Smarties for breakfast. We also played and had fun, so that was nice, too.
Somehow, though, I think she still loves me. Despite my lack of time to be able to play most of the time because I’m always saying, “No, I can’t color with you right now. Mommy has to clean and do laundry,†she still prefers to be with me over others who are actually able to spend their entire visit devoting every bit of attention to her. Even today, at several different random times, she said to me, “Mommy, I love you sooooo much.†And perhaps one of the sweetest moments was when Aunt Susan handed her a $100 bill to give to me and she handed it to me saying, “Happy Mother’s Day†just as excited as if she had given me something that was actually from her. She even continued this “I love you, mommy†streak as I spent 2 hours trying to get her to take a nap and saying things like, “You are going to be grounded for the rest of your life if you don’t go to sleep RIGHT NOW!â€
But tonight? All I really care about is the fact that I just sat next to my little girl who is asleep in my bed and I was able to stroke her hair and kiss her on the forehead. (I think Dan might actually allow her to sleep in there with us tonight…it IS Mother’s Day, after all.)
And tomorrow I get to wake up and spend the day kissing Brittain and being thankful that God allowed me this job as her mother. And also? I plan to kiss my own mother…and thank her for deciding to have me. Because life is fun. And despite the difficult, tiring, and stressful times, I know for a fact that there is nothing more rewarding than being a mother.
Thank you, Brittain, for allowing me to be your mommy. I know I’m not always the best, but I hope you’ll always realize that I’m trying. I love you more than words can tell.
