Y’all know by now how Easter Egg Hunts freak me out, right? I would be perfectly content if I never had to attend another one again, but that apparently doesn’t go over well with kids, particularly mine, and I’m still trying to make sure my kids always remember good things about me. So, despite the fact that I very well should take a tranquilizer before going, I’m always there with a smile, camera in hand.
The first egg hunt of the season was at Crescent for Brittain’s Kindergarten class. I arrived before the hunt began. I started out surveying the class. “That kid’s ok. She’s shy. I can tell. I don’t think she’ll grab every egg before Brittain ever gets started.” “Oh no. Look at that kid. Not only is he twice the size of every kid in here, you can tell he’s mean. Look at the red hair. We’re done. We.are.so.done.” I am jolted back to reality when I hear the teacher say, “Now, does everyone remember the rules? You can only get 10 eggs. After you’ve found 10, go and sit down.” The relief I felt at that moment was like nothing I can describe. THANK YOU, I thought. Finally someone with some sense around here.
At that point it was time to head outside. Brittain and I cheerfully skipped. I was so happy. My kid was going to be able to find eggs and would not leave with nothing in her basket. With that, the hunt started and I stood back and smiled. But that smile only lasted a brief moment when I noticed Brittain wandering around saying, “I can’t find anymore eggs”. AND SHE ONLY HAD 3! “What the…” I thought to myself. I immediately run out to the playground with other children, scouring the ground for the rest of MY KIDS 10 EGGS. But then I realized…there are idiot kids. The teacher finally calls for everyone to come sit down. I am that person going up to each kid and saying, “How many eggs do YOU have? Oh really? Well, let me count.” and “Does this look like 10 eggs to you?” and “I’m just going to have to take a few out of your basket because YOU apparently can’t follow directions.” I mean, seriously? It’s KINDERGARTEN folks. LEARN TO COUNT TO 10 ALREADY. Sheez…
Get me the hell out of here. Someone please tell me…where is the fun in this?
