For some reason I was more excited about this birthday party than I had been for the previous 3 we’ve given for Brittain. I’m not sure what the reason was, but as Dan and I hung paper lanterns into the wee hours of the morning before the party, I couldn’t help but feel like a kid again. While planning a child’s birthday party is stressful for anyone, I’ve found it to be especially difficult with her birthday being in the dead of summer. I had several great ideas, but all that would involve a large facility to house everyone, or would require everyone to be outdoors. Neither of these were feasible. I did keep getting stuck on this carnival theme with games and prizes, but when we just couldn’t figure out how that was going to work, Dan had the idea of hiring a clown. We teetered between knowing if it was a fantastic idea or a terrible idea (based on how Brittain would react to a clown), but we went with it and hoped for the best.
The day came, and despite the upstairs room that went from 61 degrees before everyone arrived to 87 degrees once everyone piled in there, I think the day went off without a hitch and fun was had by everyone, chaos and all. Even Brittain had a good time…in her own way.
It’s hard for things to sink in when there’s more than 50 people in your house and your attempting to be some kind of hostess despite 25 kids running around. It wasn’t until we finally stopped to sing Happy Birthday and for Brittain to blow out her candles that everything kind of hit me at once. While there was this big part of me that couldn’t believe she was already turning 4, there was this other part of me that couldn’t believe she had only been part of our lives for 4 years. It’s hard for me to even remember my life before she was in it because the day she was born was the day I felt my life had new and real meaning. Not that my life wasn’t meaningful before, but there was suddenly a depth to me that I never knew existed. I never knew that I could love so deeply. If there was ever a time in my life where I wondered if there would ever be more to life, I found it when Brittain came into our lives. Then, there was this sudden other feeling that came over me that I don’t even know a way to describe. It was a mixture of emotions…happiness, sadness, that unknowing feeling. Only a couple of days before I found out I’m pregnant. While the news of this was absolutely thrilling, there is also so much I’m afraid of. Especially while I was standing there with Brittain as she blew out her candles I suddenly knew that this would be her last birthday of just the 3 of us. Next year there would be a new addition, and as wonderful as that is going to be, there was also a brief bittersweet moment knowing that things are absolutely going to change and come March, Brittain will no longer be my only “baby.”
Brittain, I hope you always go through life knowing how much I love you and how proud I am of you every single day. Happy 4th birthday, baby.
I managed to get pictures of all the guests with clown noses:
The party continued with an after party of Wii bowling. Mimi and Doot even came by and played for a while. Normally, Jenny and I win every game. We always seem to get better as we drink, while the guys got worse. I was definitely off my game this time and I can only attribute it to the lack of drinking I’m now able to do. In the end I think we lost every game. 
But that certainly didn’t make the night any less fun. I think these pictures say it all:
