Contrary to what you probably believe at this point in time, I am actually still alive. It’s just that the various job(s) I attempt to do on a daily basis which include my job outside the home where I try to make some money to contribute to the household and then that job of mother/wife/ruler of the house, have been completely overtaking me and all my time. So by the time my behind actually hits a surface at 11:30 at night when I’ve finished doing everything for everyone else, I have no more energy left in me. Plus? I do my best blog writing when I do my relaxing wine drinking at night, and I haven’t even had the energy to drink. If you’re wondering what’s gotten into me, even I don’t know. Apparently I’m sick with something called “no motivation” and “I’m freakin’ tired as hell” and “write a blog post? Seriously? Just please let me sleep!” Also? The fact that the person I live with who I call my husband snores VERY LOUDLY clearly doesn’t help matters either. It was so bad the other night that I actually wondered what would happen if I accidently smothered him with the pillow he put over his face because I was bothering HIM. I decided against the smothering. Go figure.

Unfortunately, no one has yet to say, “Hey, let me keep your kid for you so that you can sleep.” And, truth be told, even if they did I probably wouldn’t take them up on it because it would make me feel like I was neglecting my child and pawning her off on someone else and “everyone else does it, Valerie, why can’t you?”, and blah blah blah and plus I would miss her so much I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. My reasoning for finally posting months worth of pictures is because it kills me that you are all missing out on Brittain. What she has become. What she is. The joy she brings to all who have the opportunity to be around her.

Right now? She’s laying in bed beside me as I type this and every couple of minutes she gets right up in my face and says, “Mommy. Stop typing. I need a kiss.” Granted, it is 12:05 a.m. and she is completely delirious. But I don’t care. I’m savoring this moment. (And, I know, mother of the year for letting my child stay up until midnight.)

So much has happened since my last blog “report.” I’d like to sum up my time away by telling you that most of the time I feel like I need someone to pinch me. Because while I talk about the reality of motherhood and the difficulties of it and the trials and tribulations that come along with it, the bottom line is that I realize just how fortunate I am and that I would never for a second choose a different life than I have right now. This is good and bad. It’s wonderful that I appreciate my life and I don’t want to change it. But it’s bad in that I have these horrible feelings creep up inside me that make me feel like something bad is bound to happen. I know. It’s bad. It’s a Clark thing, I feel sure.

Anyway, I continue to treasure every second I spend with her because there’s nothing like it. Oh, and the sleep? I don’t care so much about that because just now she just leaned up again to me and said, “Mommy, can I have another kiss?”

The transition from the summer to the beginning of this school year seemed much easier than last year. This time we knew the ropes, we knew what a box top was, we were prepared for the buying of the school supplies. Even this morning went unusually smooth. The biggest disaster we dealt with was the explosion of some oatmeal in the microwave. But not even that slowed us down. Brittain opted for some chocolate chip muffins and then we went on about the morning routine.

It brings me great comfort knowing how excited Brittain is about school. It’s the one thing I know that she loves and that I don’t have to wonder if I’m pushing her to do something that she’s really not enjoying. Dan and I tagged along to see her off on this first day and I, of course, brought my camera. After taking a few shots of her walking in and then a couple of her in the classroom, I knew it was time for me to go. She was happy and having a great time, but I still felt that lump in my throat and that pain in my heart as I gave her a hug and a kiss and had to walk away.

Thank goodness I only had to wait 3 hours to pick her up. And when I did, I was complete again.

Yes, this was exactly what I said when I talked to Cecilia about a week ago to find out that she was leaving for California in a little over a week. Her living in Jacksonville has seemed way too far away. But California? It feels like another planet.

She left this past Sunday and will be there for 2 months (possibly 3) as she fills in at the Laguna Nigel Ritz Carlton doing her same job as she did at the Reynold’s Ritz Carlton.

Because of the quick timing and the whole “i have a job” thing, we couldn’t make plans to go and see her before she left, but fortunately she took a few days to come here. We packed in many hours of visiting and allowed Brittain to stay up waaaay past her bedtime. It was a great visit, which made her leaving that much more difficult. The night she arrived back to Jacksonville we chatted online for a few minutes. I told her that as sad as I was about her going, it was crazy how I was even more sad for Brittain. She made me laugh telling me the story how she made the mistake of listening to every sad song she could find on her way home, so all she did was cry. That’s so us. As if we’re not sad enough, we’re going to force ourselves into making sure we are the saddest we can possibly be.

The family got together for her “farewell” dinner. I love this first picture. It was right when Cecilia arrived and everyone went straight to her for a big group hug: